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Sunday, September 7, 2014

On Being Stereotypically Judgemental

I am scared. Just scared. Scared of talking, of expressing my thoughts or even saying a word. The world is absurd and is always holding you at gun point. Which is interesting and I don't mind taking the bullet every once in a while. Sometimes, it is completely offending and belittling while at other times it helps you learn. However, there has to be some space to relax and to have fun. For once, could we just stop judging each other and having ideas about each other?
I have led a life fighting stereotypes and will continue to do so. The stereotypes are changing and the sad thing is that we're just creating new stereotypes in place of the older ones. Stereotypes such as -
Feminists hate men
Candy Crush is a brainless game
Chetan Bhagat is bad literature
and many many many more.....
I am tired of being judged, of having to think twice before saying something in public because people will not just judge me for it but will also make personal comments or decisions against me for saying what I felt like saying. So, those people don't think twice then why should I? Here are a few instances of having been bashed for simply expressing my opinion on social media and off social media.

Incident One
On a post about "Why Sunny Leone is Awesome?" somewhere on the internet, some asshole chose to call her a slut and went ahead and said that she deserved to be raped. I couldn't keep quiet there so I just told him that he was wrong. Well, he went ahead and asked me for a blow job and asked me to make a porn movie with him. I made sure that he was slammed and the blog owner issued him a warning and blocked him from commenting over there.
Owing to this incident, a few other guys sent me messages asking for favours. I mean all I said was a prostitute or a porn actress is as respectable as anyone else. However, how could that be with such assholes around!

Incident Two
I and one of my closest friends went out for dinner like about a few hours ago. The TV at the outlet was airing the India v/s England match. I haven't been watching cricket since years now but I know the game fairly well including all its technicalities. Now, to start with I said something but his attention was on the TV so I turned to look what's on and I saw commentators talking. So, I told him "What are you watching when nothing is on?" He smirked at me and said "India and England are playing". I knew as much, I only meant why was he watching when there was no on-field action, just the commentators talking.

It pissed me off but I didn't say a lot then. Like I said, I haven't been following cricket for a while and so, I only saw England's new jersey today. I commented that they looked like umpires. Later on, someone hit a six on a reverse sweep (I forget who, possibly Kohli or Dhawan) and I said it was a good shot. He laughed and said that is why women and cricket don't go together.

I was stumped and coaxed him to explain the logic. He says the reverse sweep six is a normal shot for him and not something so commendable and that England's jersey looks like that of umpires is a dumb comment to make. I bluntly called him a sexist and a few other guys turned to look at us. He retorted with I can't even take a good joke. Not so sure it was a joke but even if it was, it was a sexist joke!

He further explained that he has a lot of female friends who praise Wasim Akram and call him a right hand off-spinner. Well, I surely didn't do anything like that. So, why was I judged?

Incident 3

A certain member of Shiv Sena said something about slapping rape charges becoming a fashion. I condemned him on my Facebook status and a friend of mine condemned me for condemning him. His explanation was that feminism is unfair to men and that rape charges are indeed a fashion because girls file fake rape charges all thanks to rampant feminism and that since I myself am not a feminist, he didn't expect such post out of me. (I'll explain later why I am not a feminist). So, before I could respond another friend of mine tried to intervene and explain the terminology of feminism to him.

Now, this friend of mine had tried befriending a close female friend of his and it is no crime to send anyone a friend request or want to talk to someone. However, both, the stupid fellow and his female friend slammed my friend for sending a friend request or wanting to talk to her and even called him names. In this particular incident, not just me but also my friend was judged. Every guy who wants to talk to a girl isn't always looking for sex. They might just want to talk for all you know and one can always make out. Moreover, it had nothing to do with the issue I had raised on my status.

Incident 4

I am a writer by profession and a little while ago I was going through a tough phase on an emotional and mental level. It reflected on my writing and one of my clients who almost always sings praises of me, asked me what's wrong. I obviously didn't detail him but since he asked, I let him know that I was going through a bad phase, and an impromptu reply came "Shaadi kar lo (Get Married)". First, I thought, he is kidding, so I told him jokingly, "Yeah! right!" and then he said that he was serious. It outraged me then and I clearly let him know that it was none of his business. However, he was hell bent and had the guts to say "Find a permanent solution to your problem then write my content". So, if a woman is stuck in a rut of problems, she ought to get married?

I could go on with a slew of incidents relating to stereotypes or being judged for doing, saying or liking something with not so intelligent counters or proper logic. The above were the most recent ones. I dreamt of playing in the WNBA and my parents were obviously against it. I fought for it, gave it my best shot and was nearly there but couldn't make it the whole way. Throughout, my parents weren't on my side even once. My dad still thinks girls shouldn't ride bikes, play guitars and what not. I fight.

Right now, I am trying to set up a writing business and it isn't all hunky dory but I'll fight my way through it. I am sure I'll be told things like girls can't run a business or if it collapses, get married etc. Well, I'm tired of fighting for everything and I haven't even listed a 3rd of things here. Yet, there is no choice but to go on.

Lastly, I am not against making judgements as long as they're logical and you don't belittle anyone or insult anyone based on your judgement. Also, I hate you if you make stereotypical judgements.

On Why I am not a feminist?
Before you make your judgements, no I am not one of those who would like to get married and run a house. If I do, I'll ensure that I charge for it. I am against domestic violence, female infanticide, gender policing and everything else that feminism stands for. However, feminism largely stands for equality and equal rights and not just for women but for everybody. While I believe in equality and equal rights, I am not going to call myself a feminist. Yes, women empowerment is necessary but once equal rights are in place and properly implemented, women empowerment will follow.

On a concluding note, I love reading Chetan Bhagat, Durjoy Datta, Mills and Boons etc. I am addicted to Candy Crush and No, I'm not a feminist. Judge me all you like!


1 comment:

  1. Gham aur bhi hain zindagi mein. Anyways, I am here to comment regarding your incident 1. You may have your own reasons but please be informed that you have every right to complain against such a person and you should. He may not have done something critical as of now but trust me this person will rape (or might have already) someone someday. Stating one bad experience, there was a guy in our college who started with eve teasing and slowly kept graduating since the girl didn't complain and as a result he ruined at least 20 girls, many of them being my friends.

    Rest your wish!